How the World Woos

Hunt Ethridge  |  February 12, 2025

New Year’s Eve, 1994-95. A plucky American lad is spending the year as an exchange student in Nantes, France. He’s made a good group of friends and is happy to be spending the evening with them celebrating at one of their houses. Spirits are high, and spirits are flowing.

As it gets close to midnight, he has his eye on Anne-Claire to kiss. She’s cute and has a good laugh. However, the rules of being an exchange student frown heavily on dating, so he’s not looking to get into a relationship. But a nice kiss at midnight is still on the table! As the clock strikes the hour, he leans over, and they share a rosy-cheeked make-out. Yay for France! They snuggle a little and fall asleep on a friend’s couch. On the first day back at school, everyone congratulates him.

“How come?”

“Well, you and Anne-Claire are going out now!”

“... oh, is that how this works here?”

And that was my first introduction to how dating and relationship cultures differ around the world. Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss, and sometimes, it’s (apparently) more. After a brief stint of dating, I graciously explained to her that it wasn’t allowed — it’s not you, it’s me. After that, I was much more careful about what my intentions were and weren’t.

That night in Nantes taught me an important lesson about cultural differences in dating. It was the first of many as I embarked on a mission to explore how love, courtship, and relationships are celebrated across the globe.

Living now in New York City, a crossroads of cultures, has only deepened my appreciation for understanding each other’s backgrounds and unique “love languages.” As a relationship expert on a quest to speak with individuals from every country about dating and mating customs, I have had the opportunity to learn about all sorts of different customs.

Here is a sampling of some intriguing ones, both researchable and anecdotal, but with a caveat: No culture is homogenous, and neither are its customs. The following are not meant to be representative of everyone; there are always exceptions.

Iceland’s population is about the same as Tampa, Fla., at roughly 400,000, with 60 percent living in the greater Reykjavík area. With such a close-knit population and families tracing their roots back centuries, dating often begins with a genealogical check. Enter the Íslendingabók, or The Book of Icelanders. Starting from the year 874, Icelanders have kept fantastic genealogical records. In 1997, it went digital. Before swiping right, Icelanders might swipe through their family tree to ensure their date isn’t a third cousin!

For dating activities, swimming is a popular choice. It’s a great way to put down your phone, be physically active, and see what each other looks like while splashing away.

Puerto Rico has lots of motels that serve only one purpose. That you can rent them in 8-hour blocks tells you all you need to know. But these aren’t the seedy murder motels you might be thinking of. They’re practical, widely used solutions for privacy, especially for young adults still living with their parents. Rooms often come with a private garage, so no one can see whose car is there. The delivery window features a double door, ensuring total discretion. Inside, they’re built for fun! Whether you want a heart-shaped jacuzzi, stripper poles, disco balls, or mirrored ceilings, they’ve got you covered. You can also request candles, bubble baths, toys, or champagne. When privacy is hard to come by, these motels are clutch! 

If a man in America saw a lovely woman sitting at a table with her friends, he might send a round of drinks or dessert for the table as a nice gesture. But if he picked up the entire check, it might come across as overly aggressive, pompous, or shallowly materialistic — like he was trying to show off. However, in Ukraine or Russia, that’s exactly what you do. There, it’s simply a way of showing that you can care for a woman. During the dating process, it’s customary for the man to pay for everything, even if she offers. Also, the idea of a “coffee date” doesn’t exist. A date means the woman gets dolled up and ready. Bringing flowers is another dating norm, but ensure there’s an odd number — only funerals use even numbers!

Shanghai has many wonderful sights like the Jade Buddha Temple and the Bund. But if you’re looking for love, you might also visit its bustling … marriage market.

Every Saturday, desperate enterprising parents and grandparents of singles gather in the market to try and find partners. They print up bio sheets for their offspring, detailing info such as education, profession, and income. Some tie these to trees, set up signs next to their chairs, or even wear them around their necks as they search for suitable matches. If someone catches their interest, you’ll get some very direct questions, such as, “How much money do you have?” “What do you bring to the table?” and “How many kids do you want?” If the interaction goes further, the parents or grandparents may invite you, their child, and themselves to a restaurant to see if the match feels right. Then, it might be time to review and sign the contract!

Zulu culture has many stylized courting rituals. If a woman is interested in a man, she may send him a “love letter.” This love letter isn’t written on paper — it’s crafted from beads, with different colors and combinations carrying specific meanings.

Zulu fathers strictly forbid suitors from entering their family homes. So, if a daughter wants to spend time with her potential mate, they must find a spot away from prying eyes. The suitor builds a courting hut for her out of grass and straw. This allows the couple to have some privacy while both families pretend nothing is happening. These meetings can last for weeks or even years.

The Kickapoo people, an Algonquian-speaking Native American tribe, developed in the early 1900s a unique form of courtship communication known as “courtship whistling.” This practice, mainly observed among the Kickapoo who migrated to northern Mexico, allowed young couples to find clever ways around their overprotective, conservative parents to spend some quality time with their amantes. Each couple would create a distinctive whistle, wholly unique to them, with variations depending on the message they wanted to send.

As dusk settled, these whistles could be heard floating through the villages. Secret rendezvous were arranged for later that evening, with messages of “Thinking of you” flying through the air and the daring “My parents aren’t home” sparking excitement. This tradition, which emerged as a substitute for earlier flute-based courtship songs, showcases the ingenuity and adaptability of the Kickapoo in preserving intimacy and romance within their cultural norms.

In Sri Lanka, everyone asks you if you’ve eaten. Germans love to split the bill. In the U.K., finding a date that doesn’t require a pint or two will be tough. And in Croatia, if you want to get engaged, you’d better pick up an apple!

While we’re all human and long for connection, the ways we go about it are as fascinating as they are endless. Dating customs are as unique as the cultures they come from. If in doubt, a kind smile is currency everywhere.